“My journey with anxiety. I guess I’ve always been pretty anxious but it had only ever caused minor inconveniences. But in October 2021 anxiety for me took on a whole new meaning.
At the time I felt like I was being victimised at work, micro-managed and constantly watched. One day I got so bad that I had to leave the room, my heart was racing and I started to cry and just couldn’t stop. All my limbs felt heavy and I had a loud noise in my ears. I went to the bathroom and stood sobbing and gulping air, I really thought everybody hated me. I was hearing the things I imagined everybody was saying about me.
I had been off work already for 6 months with depression and physical health problems and I had been so excited to go back, as I stood in the bathroom imaging what everyone was saying I thought I could never go back and that I could never leave the bathroom. I wanted to die and not feel so frightened about what everyone thought, and I would no longer be such a burden to my work friends and my family. I picked up a bottle of bleach and saw there was only a little bit in it and I knew it would probably only give me a sore throat and an upset tummy. I put it down. There was nothing else, I had to leave the bathroom.
Shaking and sobbing I just about managed to open the bathroom door and everything felt so heavy and like I couldn’t breathe properly. I somehow got through the room I worked in and into a smaller room where my telephone was, and I frantically called Mindline. I didn’t know what else to do. The lady who answered my call was absolutely amazing. She said ‘let’s to try and talk just yet, let’s just get your breathing under control.’ At this point I would describe myself as hysterical. I don’t remember how long we were on the telephone for but it felt like forever, and all she did was count my breathing in and out. It was enough for me to get myself back under control. She was absolutely amazing and I have no doubt she saved my life that day.
Since then whenever I start to feel that awful, awful feeling of anxiety creep up on me, I remember that wonderful listener from Mindline and her endless patience as she counted my breaths with me. I have found that technique really helps. So much so that I have only had two further episodes of anxiety that make me feel like that, and I have managed to control them myself.”
If you are experiencing feelings of anxiety or suicidal thoughts please reach out to our team at Mindline Somerset . You can call us locally on 01823 276892 or freephone 0800 138 1692.
If you think you need urgent help please call 999.
For more information about suicide and other support available please click here.
Breathing exercises can really help when feeling anxious. You can find some useful techniques to practice on the NHS website.