Do you listen to hear or to respond? While another person speaks, are you actively considering their words or thinking about what you want to say next? The art of good conversation begins with valuing what others have to say, but we can all be guilty of hearing without understanding what is said to us.
People participating in the Serious Mental Illness Engagement Training, co-delivered by Peer Connections and Experts by Experience, discover that those Experts by Experience who crafted the course and those who currently co-deliver the course know what it’s like to have people listen without hearing.
Led by a team of individuals with their own lived experience, the SMI Engagement Training was commissioned by Open Mental Health and Somerset ICB. Using their perspective and experience, the team tries to shift mindsets and change the narrative around serious mental illness. Sessions are held monthly at varying times and days to reach as many people as possible.
Better Communication for Better Outcomes
According to Alex Nelson, who facilitates the sessions, attendees take different key understandings from the online, interactive course. For some, it’s discovering new ways of building trust, for others, it’s gaining a better understanding of the impact of conscious and unconscious stereotypes and biases, while learning more effective communication methods makes the biggest impression on many attendees.
Alex is keen that credit for the SMI Engagement Training goes to the Expert by Experience Team (present on the day we attended were Bekah and Debbie); the resources and information used were sourced from Mental Health UK and Rethink Mental Illness.
Deep Listening*
One valuable part of the course is an exploration of deep listening skills. As the Experts by Experience made clear, deep listening isn’t easy, but it also isn’t scary. Anyone can do it. In essence, deep listening is the artful use of empathic listening skills, which you can practice and perfect at any time.
Below, taken from the course training resources, we examine the skills needed to enhance your deep listening skills.
Acknowledgment
Even if you disagree with what the other person said, you can show them respect by acknowledging it and paying attention to their feelings. You are not answering them to defend or provide a solution; you are answering them to hear them. This goes a long way in promoting healthy communication.
Validation
Validation is achieved when the listener identifies and verbalises what the speaker is feeling and why they are feeling that way. This requires a keen ear and paying attention to what the speaker said and how they said it.
Reflecting
Verbalising your understanding of what the other person said is very important to the communication process. This does not mean replaying what the other person said. Reflective listening means not just hearing the words, but also understanding what the other person means, and then making a statement that shows you understand what the other person is saying, both verbally, physically, and emotionally.
Clarification
When you give a reflection statement, ask if you’ve really understood their point. This helps further their sense of ‘belonging’ in the conversation. Short and quick questions, such as “Did I hear you right?” “Am I following you?” “Did I get that right?” “Was there anything I missed?” are helpful since they keep the focus on the speaker and give them space and time to say their message.
Observations
Making observations facilitates open and honest conversation. When you can notice hesitation or emotions, that lets the individual know you are mentally present for them. Noticing tone of voice, body language, mood, and emotions can help people who are feeling challenged or agitated feel safe and can draw more out from them. It can also give you time to understand what you need to say and how to say it.
Timing
Do not immediately jump into conversation. That can make people feel uncomfortable, on edge, or concerned that you haven’t had time to fully understand what they’re saying. Give them a healthy amount of silence before answering, but not so much silence that they feel you are ignoring them. Count to five in your head, or the time it takes to breathe in and out and then reply.
Reassurance
You can reassure another person by making statements that let them know you are interested in what they are saying, taking them seriously, and that you care about how they feel. When challenged with mental illness, it is easy to doubt the sincerity of the listener and feel the need to protect yourself and your core message by either verbally lashing out or stonewalling and retreating from the conversation.
*Information and resources courtesy of Dr Bates, PhD, from Mindfullness Today
Connection and Compassion
Deep listening is not easy or comfortable, but neither is isolation, loneliness, or disconnection. As part of the training, the Experts by Experience strongly urge participants to lean into the discomfort of deep listening, because at the end of the conversation lies connection and compassion.
How to Sign Up for SMI Engagement Training
Anyone in Somerset can participate in the SMI Training—the only requirement is that their work brings them into contact with people experiencing mental health challenges in one way or another. So, GPs, NHS and council employees, housing association staff, and emergency service personnel, to name but a few, as well as anyone working or volunteering for Open Mental Health’s partner organisations, are all welcome.
For more information, download a flyer, or to book your place, email peerconnections@rethink.org.