New Year, Gentle Aspirations: Why Kindness Beats Resolutions

The turning of the year often feels like a time for a big mental reset, but for many of us, it can actually be quite a tough time emotionally. We frequently read that setting New Year’s resolutions isn’t good for us—and that’s a spot-on observation. We often set goals that are high-reaching, based on overly harsh self-judgment, and frankly, unrealistic. Then, when the goal proves too difficult to achieve, we end up beating ourselves up come February for not having lived up to it.

The New Year can already be hard enough without that extra pressure. We might find ourselves looking back over the past year with a negative, self-critical focus, or looking ahead and filling the year with ‘mind-monsters’ of fear and worry. If you are finding things hard this time of year, please know you are not alone in feeling this way. It is completely normal for worries and fears to seem worse over the festive season and into January.

So, if harsh resolutions and negative introspection aren’t good for us, how can we approach the New Year with a bit more kindness?

A Gentle Shift in Perspective 

We can start by acknowledging that the first of January is, fundamentally, just another date. It has no real significance beyond the meaning we choose to give it. Perhaps we can choose not to give it too much significance at all. Instead of making demanding resolutions, we can set ourselves a gentle aspiration.

One great way to do this is to read through the Five Ways to Wellbeing. If you’ve not encountered them before, they are simple, straightforward ideas to improve our mental and emotional health and make our lives feel more fulfilling.

Reining in the Mind-Monsters 

With the best will in the world, we can’t stop ourselves thinking. Our minds are always busy! So, when those inevitable difficult thoughts arrive, we can try to gently reframe them:

When looking back and feeling regretful: We might find ourselves dwelling on past mistakes or wishing things had gone differently. Instead of letting this turn into a wave of regret, try to find a small lesson in the experience. Ask yourself, “What did I learn from that moment?” or “What small step can I appreciate that I took, even if it didn’t work out as planned?” You can also focus on what you have achieved, no matter how small, rather than what you haven’t. This turns the focus from punishment to progress.

If you are missing loved ones: The New Year can be especially painful when you are dealing with bereavement or separation, making the absence of someone special feel sharper. Instead of focusing solely on the absence, try to set aside a small, kind moment for their memory—perhaps listening to a song you shared, looking at a favourite photo, or simply giving yourself permission to feel the sadness. This is a time for self-compassion and self-care.

When looking ahead and feeling fearful: If your thoughts are racing forward and filling the year with worries, try to gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Worrying about next week, next month, or next year is a natural feeling, but it robs us of today’s peace. Ask yourself: “Am I safe right now? What small thing can I do right now to make myself feel a little better?” You can always call Mindline Somerset on the numbers below for support.

Focusing on the Good in the World 

It’s completely understandable if scrolling through the news or social media makes the world seem like a frightening or unkind place. It can truly take a toll on our mental health when we feel like everything is going wrong.

But it’s important to remember that there are far more people out there working hard to do good than bad. When we struggle, it is always worth remembering the bigger picture of human progress. It’s easy to focus on the negative headlines, but the reality is that the world has seen remarkable positive change over the last few decades:

• Life Expectancy has increased across the globe, meaning that, on average, people are living longer, healthier lives.
• Extreme Poverty has fallen significantly worldwide, moving millions of people out of the toughest living conditions.
• Literacy has dramatically improved, giving more people the chance to access education and opportunity.

These big, slow, powerful improvements show that, fundamentally, people are still striving for a better future. When you feel low about the news, focusing on these facts can be a small but powerful antidote.